Dear Agent Damiano,

Your secret is out. I'm on to you. I know you are a secret agent. Yes, a spy. Don't worry though, your secret is safe with me and the whole internet. You are probably on a secret mission right now trying to defeat the crazy russian overlord Viktor Vanderslause, who as we all suspect, has stolen the all important Ferman microchip. For those of you who don't know, this microchip holds a portion of the United States most valuable secrets. It is imparitive that we retrieve this object, for if it falls into the wrong hands, the world as we know would cease to function. And you thought things were bad now. So really, I just want to say thanks. Thank you for defending our country so valiantly. I didn't fall for that wedding rouse you put on either. I know you were in Australia fighting rabid kangaroos.

But while I appreciate all of this, it'd be great to hear from you. Let's drink some beers. Because it has become increasingly difficult to get ahold of you, I would like to invite you on a mission of my own.

On December 19th, Bon Iver is performing in Madison, Wisconsin. Your mission is as follows: Pile into a 4 door sedan sometime during the afternoon of the 19th.
Drive through Minnesota to Madison.
Attend said concert.
Have a blast, and buy that dudes new ep.
Drive back the same evening.
There is a big party the next day. Something about underwear. Go to that too.

Should you choose to accept this mission, I can assure you, the level of entertainment will be extremely high

I hope to recieve a response transmission soon. God speed my friend. God speed.

And for those of you who need further proof that what I say is true, here is a classified photo of Double 0 Damiano after recently taking down the Cuban druglord Castor's headquarters:


p.s. No Homo.